Cannibal Flesh Riot! (2006?)

First "official" review, and hell, I get to review a movie that has been ignored by the sites I usually frequent as a lurking ghost.

Cannibal Flesh Riot!

Don't stop reading now - the title of the movie might sound like crap, but trust me... this is a movie that every fan of old-school horror with a sense of humour needs to see. And I want to emphasise the "NEEDS TO SEE".

I can't really talk about the plot, for doing so would rob you of the whole joy that this movie produces (I already wrote another review of it, and the abundance of terms like "awesome", "perfect", "perfect in so many ways" etc. - I'd add the Sumerian terms, but hey, I'm already annoying enough - was too overwhelming. And I mean TOO overwhelming...) and gives.

One word:

Perfect.

To elaborate further - Cannibal Flesh Riot! is why the medium of film was created. I am serious about this - the dialogues are wonderful, and the visuals are as well. To be frank, the dialogue is what keeps this short by Gris Grimly (www.madcreator.com) alive, kicking, and makes the movie an absolute must.

Two ghouls make their way to a grave, discussing how to deal with the police if some of those guys come to your house and walk into your kitchen (not such a good thing to happen if you happen to have bloody remains of human hands lying around), or how to use condiments - because human flesh gets really boring after a few decades. Gods, I can empathise with that... erm... I mean, I can't. I wouldn't ever think of making people spice up their food to... uh...

Yes.
Cannibal Flesh Riot!...

Frankly, it's the best movie (I'll call it a movie, even though it's a 34 minutes short) I've ever seen. The two protagonists have a nearly perfect coordination, their acting is more than brilliant (take the "condiments trauma", for example), and hell... it's awesome. Personally, I could have done without the end, but hell - this short is awesome anyways. Ghouls! Ancient, redneck ghouls, talking about condiments and how to prepare a dead guy in a way that humans don't notice that what they eat is in fact a rotting corpse. And the commercial-induced trauma... Gods, my whole life consisted of waiting for this scene, for it is awesome and brilliant, ironic and... well, it just illustrates the relationship between the two main characters - Stash and Hub - perfectly. But judge for yourself.

The dialogues are just brilliant. And I mean "brilliant". This short is an example for how to make a perfect (although a few sickos might disagree with that) movie. I know, I might repeat myself now, but... brilliant.
Someone who eats corpses, talking about humanity's tendency to depict its food in an anthropomorphic fashion, is so surreal... so surreal that it hits you straight in the face and you suddenly realise the reality behind that statement.

Holy crap, I love this movie. And I love it so fucking much... ghouls, condiments, corpses, cannibalism, implied murder... Just fucking perfect. Fans of ironic/sarcastic horror with a light note to it but yet in the mood of the old 50ies flicks we all enjoyed so much - get it. Cannibal Flesh Riot! will make you happy.

And who the fuck came up with strawberry-banana-vinegrette?!

11/10 anthropomorphic radishes drowning in condiments

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This is the first version of the review; I wrote it in a state of not being exactly sober, but I think it conveys my feelings about this movie pretty good. Enjoy... or not.

I'm usually not someone who starts off a review with positive things.

But "Cannibal Flesh Riot!" is...
... more than just perfect.

I have seen a lot of low-budget B-Movies. I have seen a lot of low-budget Z-Movies - hell, I was playing a part in one of the worst Z-Movies ever made (and I'm not proud of that).

Cannibal Flesh Riot! is what the medium of film has been created for. And I mean that.

This short by Gris Grimly (if you don't know him, check him out - his artwork is outstanding) is what I'd call the perfect movie. And I mean PERFECT.

Basically, the story follows two ghouls on their way through a cemetary to get their fresh, dead human meat. And frankly, I've never seen a better movie than "Cannibal Flesh Riot!".
The dialogues are more than just brilliant. Gris Grimly (I only knew him for his awesome children's books) really managed to create something that can't be described by the word "awesome" here - "Cannibal Flesh Riot!" is the best movie I've ever seen, and I've seen a lot of great movies.

First, the dialogues are pure genius. I mean, you have to realise what scenery you are watching in order to understand how freaking awesome it is:
Two ghouls - people who eat corpses, and ONLY eat corpses - run around a cemetary, talking about how condiments improve the taste of a dead human - or talking about how a commercial for condiments scarred one of the characters for life.
What you have to realise is that one of the protagonists - a guy who eats people! - got traumatised by seeing a commercial about condiments. He is a cannibal, and he is just digging up a corpse - but he is worried about humanity's tendency to depict their food like people. We also get dialogues about condiments in general, and the question how the fuck someone came up with strawberry-banana-vinegrette.

Some people said that the dialogue of the two protagonists, Stash and Hub, is tiresome and not interesting.
I have to disagree.
The movie "Cannibal Flesh Riot!" is one of the best movies I've ever seen. The protagonists, Stash and Hub, are persons we can feel for, persons we can sympathise with.

Dustin Loreque, who plays Hub, the not exactly too intelligent Ghoul, does a great job of portraying the character. His acting is just perfect - he is the abused, non-important "sidekick" to the character of Stash (played by David Backhaus). Hub, the hunchback, is the petty, stupid character - a hunchback who isn't able to understand the real world. Nonetheless, he has an insight to how reality works that is just perfect. He might appear stupid, but he thinks about stuff that just makes your mind stop because it's so true.

On to Stash (who is, as already mentioned above, played by David Backhaus).
The character is just perfect. Backhaus manages to portray the vision of Gris Grimly perfectly. And, frankly, he's sexy as fuck. But that might just be me and my skewed sense of attractiveness in males. Uhm. Yes.
The make-up is perfect, and Backhaus portrays the character in an impossibly perfect way. His movements are more than just perfect, his voice just fits the character so very well... I think that my fan-girliness is something that can't be denied (well, obviously...).
Backhaus plays the character of Stash with such a perfection... it is nearly unbelievable. Both Backhaus and Loreque are perfect for the roles of Stash and Hub, and, frankly, I've never seen two actors having that kind of utterly, amazingly perfect coordination.
The two actors are the protagonists of the movie... but besides that, they dominate the movie in a very positive way.
Usually, I am a fan of action-driven movies... but, hell, trust me when I say this:

Film has been created for "Cannibal Flesh Riot!".

The dialogues are brilliant - utterly, absolutely brilliant. The story is intriguing, and... fuck, the story is just brilliant.

And the DVD is perfect as well. I've bought quite a lot of so-called "limited edition"-DVDs... and none of them EVER got me excited.
But this DVD did.

Holy crap, I'm trying to make this movie sound as amazing and awesome as it is, but I seem to be unable to do so.
Please: Ghouls are awesome. Ghouls are people, too. Think of the ghouls.

Because ghouls are more than just awesome.

And this is not exactly an objective review of the movie. This is where I used the words "awesome" and "perfect" for a hideously lot of times. Believe me, I tried to redo it. But, somehow, those two words sneak in all the time. And I can't even talk to friends about the movie without going off the "awesome" and "perfect" tangent. I guess it just shows how much I am in love with this particular movie.

Try to get it somewhere. Don't download it. Downloading it would be an insult to Gris Grimly and his vision (I am tempted to capitalise "His" now because of the sheer awesomeness of the thing). It is available for a good prize at madcreator.com, Gris Grimly's homepage... and trust me, you won't regret it. Unless you are that particular breed of person who doesn't like horror shorts and brilliant humour.

I give it 11 out of 10 radishes drowned in condiments.

Really. It's perfect.