OnePlusYou Quizzes and Widgets


30 Days Of Night (2007)

First of all: I want to live in that town. Well, not necessarily in that specific town, but somewhere there. With a giant library, so that I can enjoy the polar night.

Now, the premise of the movie sounded awesome enough to keep me waiting for it from the second I read about it on Bloody Disgusting, Horrorwatch (defunct at the moment... *sighs*) and other horror sites I regularly frequent: The small town of Barrow, Alaska, on the Arctic circle is preparing for their 30 days of night. Oh, blessed darkness.

And not just people like me who have a personal problem with the evil daystar want to come there, no! Vampires like that area as well... after all, it's 30 days of night. No sunlight. Nothing but darkness. You COULD call it "paradise".

But alas... let me state here that I watched the whole "30 Days of Night: Blood Trails" shorts before I ever got to see "30 Days of Night", and I loved it. I loved the blood, the gore, the violence, the vampires, the story.

And then I watched the movie.

Let me put it like this: I was disappointed.

#00: People - that is, normal people who aren't vampires - don't burn like that to what we are treated in the beginning of the movie. People leave more... you know... STUFF... behind. Dammit, Raimi, us scientists are cheap anyways because we don't really earn a lot at university. Do yourself a favour and hire a guy from the institute for autopsies and dead stuff next time, okay?

"Last sunset in a month... it's worth seeing." - Why? What is it that people value so much about sunlight? Granted, it helps plants to grow and bothers me... but what's so wonderful and special about it?

And of course we get our standard romantic subplot - a couple broke up, but there's still tension between them (aka "they still love one another").

By the way, I forgot to do my bed tonight. Fleh.

So yeah, our dramatic couple broke up, and they're both not yet over it. Foreshadowing....... either they'll be lovers again, or kill one another, or both, or one will kill the other in an act of love. There are only so many ways this can turn out.

To try and explain the plot: The 30 days of night are here. A stranger arrives on a ship, and it's presumably him who kills all the dogs in the small town of Barrow, Alaska. The people there have no real alternative to get out of the town besides by ...dog... so, well. The townspeople are trapped in the small settlement.

I loved it that the stranger killed all the dogs. Don't get me wrong, I love animals, but it is a good strategy if you want to keep a settlement of isolated people even more isolated. As in "can't get out".

Did I ever mention that I LOVE machines that rip people up and devour them and grind them into pieces? Very small pieces? No? Well, I do.
...and you know that such a machine will be part of the plot later. Otherwise they wouldn't show it in detail. No SIMPLE machine gets such a nice, long screentime without playing a role later on.

Rules of 30 Days of Night:

#01: Always look behind you.
#02: Always be on your guard.
#03: Don't let them bite you.
#04: Don't let them drink your blood.
#05: Don't even think about letting them eat your flesh.
#06: People who eat raw meat or wanr it raw and red and bloody are not to be trusted.
#07: Trust me on that. (Hah! Irony! *manic laughter*)
#08: Never trust someone who addresses people with the term 'human' resp. 'humans'.
#09: If they do all of the above AND look like hippies, punks, bikers or psychobillys... RUN.
#10: If your friend disappears from before your very own eyes and then drops dead out of the air in front of you... RUN FAST.
#11: The electricity isn't working? Get out of here, quick.
#12: The PCs are not working properly? Start to get worried.
#13: The electricity stops working and all the PCs are fucked up even before that. Get out. NOW. FAST.
#14: Someone's missing? Wait until a) they show up again, unharmed, b) it's day again, c) they show up again. If c) happens before it's day again and they are NOT unharmed... kill them. It's better for everyone involved. ESPECIALLY you.
#15: DON'T form attachments of any kind!
#16: Vampires in '30 Days of Night' are too awesome for mortals.
#17: Vampires are awesomely cool.
#18: Burning down stuff is awesomely cool and a lot of fun. It's what vampires do.

"Doug Hertz: You keep shooting and they just... they just keep coming.
Carter Davies: How's that possible?
Doug Hertz: I don't know. Maybe they're all coked up on PCP or something, you know? They don't feel any bullets."
- yeah.... ignorant idiots. Because PCP will make you do that. It's like pummelling a zombie in the face and then complaining that the guy must be on acid not to ...react. I know, bad analogy.

Now, let's face the movie's big problem:

It is boring as hell.

The first half is just setting up the mood and situation. Yes, one or two scenes are really nice... but one or two scenes can't save a movie.

After the vampires start running wild in Barrow and we get one nice "death count view" (aka, "corpses lying on the ground and vampires running around to get more food"), which is already a bit boring AND a tad ridiculous, it's just.... it doesn't work.

It's not creepy.
It has no suspense whatsoever.
It's not interesting....
... it's just a huge disappointment, if you waited for the movie as long as I did.

The very second I heard about this movie, I wanted to see it. I waited and waited and waited. I watched every preview, every trailer, looked at every picture, read everything about it and couldn't wait to see it.

It says a lot about my interest in a movie and about how awesome and suspenseful it is when I start practicing guitar leads whilst watching it.

"Vampires don't exist!" - *grins*

On with practicing the lead (I'm a natural rhythm guitarist, I have to force my fingers to do leads properly)...

..........holy crap.

Practicing scales on the guitar is more interesting than watching this. And I don't like practicing scales.

If you ever should be torn between watching '30 Days of Night' or 'House MD' or anything else... go with 'House MD' or 'ANYTHING ELSE BUT 30DON'. This movie is boring like fuck.

Oooooooh! ZOMG, the infected vampiric people make noises that are copletely non-scary and act completely non-scary or -instinctual. As in, you would expect an awesome vampire creature with awesome teeth to react a tad differently. But not them, oh no! Brats.

Dammit, I still can't play that lead at the appropriate speed (208).

Seriously, the "suspension" of this... movie... just trails off and gets lost somewhere along the way.



#19: Vampire kids are awesome. VERY awesome. This is practically the first really awesome thing in this goddamn slow movie.




'30 Days of Night'?
What is it with the sun? Where did the time go? How did it pass?!

Idiotic movie.

Shitty, boring semi-finale. Lovely blood, though. And a crappy "ending". And I mean 'REALLY CRAPPY'. Ridiculous, unbelievable, stupid.

I really tried to find this movie interesting. Rearranging 'House of the Rising Sun' was more interesting... I just CAN'T find 30DoN interesting. I can't. It's too boring.

Too stupid, even.

At 1:32:23. I already want it to be over, but NO, it's 1:54.... YAY.

Apparently, those 1:36 took place during 29 (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) days. Yeah, sure. Where are the problems like hunger? When do our protagonists sleep? What about normal human things - eating, drinking, social contact, sleeping? *sighs*

But I have to admit, vampires burning down a town is AWESOME. Because the vampires are awesome and cool. At least I like them...

In the end, we get a plot twist that I am sure most people have already seen coming. Nonetheless, it is a nice twist and gives the movie a slightly different direction than the loads of modern vampire movie crap out there... although it is still predictable. VERY predictable in fact.
And a newly awakened/turned vampire has no chance against an elder. Just to note that. Because I am a geek. Yes.

I would love to be able to give it 10/10. Or 9/10. But I just can't.

4/10 because of cool vampires that are much better than "traditional" hollywood vampires. Plot? Forget it.

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