Wooooot! That's how I want my movies on days like this: Fast, furious, funny.
First of all, let me say that I want to see Machete actually being made. I'm a big fan of Danny Trejo anyways, and something as ridiculously over the top as Machete ("...brought to you by your friends at the Weinstein company!") would be exactly my kind of movie. But alas, I shall be content with the trailer... and Planet Terror.
Oh man... what a crazy, awesome movie. Let me see if I can sum up the plot for you: A biomechanical gas (DC2, also known as "Project Terror") has escaped from a military base and is turning the inhabitants of a Texan town into zombies. A go-go dancer, her gunslinger-y former lover, a BBQ chef ("Best in Texas!"), a female doctor who is wickedly cool with needles and a bunch of other survivors try to... well, survive and kill zombies. By shooting them, running them over, using a helicopter on them (I am particularly fond of any movie that features helicopters used as a weapon against the walking dead) etc. It's also sort-of post-apocalyptic (or at least it becomes like that through the course of the movie), and what we always knew to be the only possible solution to the Taliban problem is confirmed: The only man who can defeat Osama Bin Laden is Bruce Willis. Yes, you read that correctly. Bruce Willis. Admit it, you all knew it all along.
Which brings me to something I love very much: Cool actors starring in cool movies. We get Tom Savini (as the hilarious Deputy Tolo), Bruce Willis (the slightly villainous Muldoon, full of win and awesome as was to be expected), Michael Parks in his role as Texas Ranger Earl McGraw, Quentin Tarantino as a rapist with a melting zombified penis... gods, I admire this movie.
There's one word to describe this movie: Awesome. A wild and hilariously funny combination of From Dusk Till Dawn, Pulp Fiction and... well, Robert Rodriguez' other movies, just with wonderfully over-the-top gore. Which is top notch, by the way.
Did I mention that the dialogues are witty and at times absolutely brilliant? I had to chuckle throughout the whole movie, and sometimes I was howling with laughter.
Abby: "I also want your balls..."
Guy: "... but I really am quite attached to them..."
...followed by the most vicious looking pair of scissors which is intended to cut off the testicles of the intended victim.
Or when El Wray (Freddy Rodriguez) wants to save his girl, Cherry (aforementioned go-go dancer) during the outbreak of the zombie apocalypse, he is held at the police station.
Sheriff Hague: "Where the hell are you going?!"
El Wray: "I'm going to get Cherry!"
Sheriff Hague: "Fine, but we're taking my car - "
...at which point, his car explodes.
Sheriff Hague: [looking back at Wray] "...I'm riding with you."
Sheriff Hague: "Don't shoot yourselves. Don't shoot each other. And especially... don't shoot me."
Generally, Planet Terror delivers loads of disgusting gore. Take this lovely tongue for example:
Black abscess tongue. All abscesses should be drained, period. They also squirt around goo...
And I SO want that. Carrying around needles under your skirt... awesomeness. Which also reminds me of the fact that we get treated to a lot of good looking, pretty females running around in high heels and short skirts. I approve of that. Verily.
(I know that the "verily" above isn't exactly perfect style, but I just felt like typing something that expresses the feeling of joy that this movie brings me. I am positively rejoicing, and I don't know about you, but I feel that a heart-felt "verily" enhances the act of rejoicing significantly. Verily. *nods*)
Besides being the ultimate movie for my hobby of spotting Tom Savini (AND Bruce Willis AND Michael Parks AND Quentin Tarantino...), Planet Terror also references quite a bunch of other movies. From Dusk Till Dawn is quite obvious... Other than that, Pulp Fiction, Desperado, Kill Bill, Zombie Flesh Eaters (aka Zombi 2), From Beyond ("I am going to eat your brain and gain your knowledge!"... and man, just LOOK at Dr. Dakota Block (HAH!)...), Women in Cages, Terminator, Killdozer, The Thing, Escape From New York... it's fun to spot the references, trust me. Heck, if I am not mistaken, I even detect a Lord of the Rings reference.
The camerawork is outstanding, the pictures magnificent. Rodriguez obviously knows what he is doing (it would be a shame if he didn't), and he proves with this part of the Grindhouse feature that he is one of the best filmmakers out there.
Planet Terror is being made into a truly joyful movie through the small details that are present everywhere - from the actors, to the references of other movies, to the dialogues, to the camerawork, to the wit and conscious cleverness present in literally everything from the script to the way the script is executed on a purely technical level. The acting is brilliant (I can't detect one single instance of bad acting, or even just mediocre acting... then again, this IS a Robert Rodriguez movie we are talking about), the soundtrack is awesome (I need that on CD, seriously), the gore pretty and quite merciless at times... sheesh, is there anything bad in this movie? Not really, no.
Gritty, dark, sarcastically funny and one hell of a crazy ride. I fully approve.
9.5/10 attempts to find Deputy Tolo's severed finger again... followed by the quest for the ring.
