OnePlusYou Quizzes and Widgets


Boogeyman (2005)

It seems that being in a not particularly good mood (I'm worried about TF*) is good for my reviewing habits. First Wrong Turn 2: Dead End, then some minor editing on older reviews (I still have to finish that, though), and now Boogeyman.

I was torn between The Mist and this one, but the fact that this flick has been sitting on my DVD shelf for about a year now made me watch it. Although, strictly speaking, I wanted to drown my worries in alcohol whilst listening to Calabrese.

I wish I had gone through with that plan.

First of all: My DVD drive is bothering me to no end. It skips whole frames, for fuck's sake. That does not a happy cyn make. Also, I apologise for the lack of screenshots (as this time, I'm actually writing this review in front of my own PC, not TF's apple, as was the case with August Underground), but seriously, my DVD drive is driving me crazy. The thing (the whole PC, actually) is less than 6 months old. Fuck the company that forced this crap onto me and only gave me a motherboard with SATA slots rather than IDE slots. Trust me, I am swearing in seven different languages now, and five of them have been dead for more than 2000 years. That should illustrate my level of annoyance.

Well, on to the movie. I wish I had watched The Mist instead...

Synopsis: A young man, Tim, has been plagued by the boogeyman in his childhood. When his father disappeared, he was convinced that the boogeyman had taken his dad. Now, 15 years later, he is spending Thanksgiving with his girlfriend, Jessica, when he receives a message that his mother has died. He visits the funeral, and gets creeped out by the old house he used to live in. His old therapist recommends that he should spend a night in said house, to deal with his fears (he's still afraid of closets, dark corners... anything the boogeyman might lurk in). He does so... and weird things start to happen.

Doesn't sound too bad, does it?

Well... it doesn't sound bad, true. However, this movie just ...fails.


The camerawork. Lighting, the use of colour (everything is in cold, dark colours - blue, grey, black, white...) - very pretty. I can't find any flaw with the visuals - they convey a dark, hopeless and despairing mood that I personally find very enticing. And seriously, the shots are beautiful. Great angles, great use of colour (or rather lack thereof), great pictures. Boogeyman qualifies as a pretty movie.

It also has a surreal quality at times. However, the fact that dark corners, wardrobes etc. don't scare me at all makes the movie's topic and main focus a bit... lost on me. Maybe I shouldn't have spent my childhood nights with reading horror stories in the darkest corner of our flat, with only a tiny flashlight. Or with imagining monsters that would be my bestest friends... and no, I'm not messed up just because I thought of cannibalistic, imaginary monsters as my friends and playmates.


I've never been big on "childhood fears". I guess that the fact that, besides spiders, the only thing I was afraid of as a child were humans shows in my horror movie preferences and the way I deal with horror literature... and flicks like this.

Then again... whilst Boogeyman is enticing on a visual level, it totally sucks when it comes to the story.

It's never a good thing when I check how much of my time a movie is going to take up, only to discover that I'm only 49 minutes into it.

To make a long story short:

Plot = BORING.

Maybe someone else can appreciate this movie, but I can't. Hauntings resp. ghost stories never did it for me (unless we count the 13 Ghosts remake, which was funny and cool). But this story, this plot... it's not just boring, it's tedious. With every minute that passes, the "story" becomes more convulsed, illogical and stupid - not to mention that there is no tension or suspense whatsoever. I spent the whole time watching this movie with being bored and wishing I hadn't spent 5 Euros on the DVD.

Also... this movie is called "Boogeyman", right? So... where the fuck IS the boogeyman? I refuse to accept a mess of badly done CGI as "The Boogeyman", especially if I don't actually notice anything creepy or scary besides "oh, there's a CGI mess on my screen...". And forget about the DVD cover. We NEVER get to see that hand. Disappointing. Hell, if you call a movie "Boogeyman", at least have the decency to give us horror fans what you are promising. And maybe add some scares to that, because this movie is suspiciously lacking in scares. Practically, this movie is suspiciously lacking in ANYTHING, besides pretty footage. And "pretty" isn't always a compliment, you know...


The essential review: The movie looks pretty, but it just ...fails. Sucks, even. Avoid this one.

3/10 really not scary wardrobes in which something utterly non-scary might or might not be lurking

*The Friend, remember?