Welcome to our 2nd installment of Gojira aka GODZILLA! I hope this is actually the 2nd movie in the "series", if I can call the franchise that. I would be horrified to learn that there was another one in between.
So... one year after the original Gojira came out, we are treated to this jewel. It starts with vaguely patriotic music... and someone flying a plane (my guess: our hero) communicating with a girl on a base (my guess: his love interest and our heroine). We are also treated to... well, words fail to describe it. Let me try to convey what I had to witness through the medium of pictures:
"Hey, darling, I'm at work. Care to ask me out for dinner? YOU BETTER ASK ME OUT FOR DINNER!!!!!"
"Uhm... uhm... errr... yes. Hidemi, my love, my rosy apple, my wonderful, beautiful rose of Japan - would you care to... erm... want to go out and have dinner tonight?" *wipes sweat from brow*
"Good boy. Yes, I would LOOOOVE to go out and have dinner with you! How did you GUESS?! I'll also force you to practically steal my dad's car, darling!"
And that face just SCREAMS "blowjob". Seriously. Don't blame it on me.
Instant classic, really, and it's not even 5 minutes into the movie. I wonder how the rest of the Gojira (yepp, still feeling authentic) movies will be like. I have been forwarned by TF that they are basically all the same, but I suffer from something called "morbid curiousity". Combined with "entertainment masochism" (I believe Jared of headinjurytheater-fame coined the expression, so I credit him with it here, regardless of whether I'm right or not), this makes for a deadly combination. Deadly for my brain cells, that is.
"Alas, my good man, may I propose that this creature right on top of us, or rather, in front and on top of us, might be the legendary creature known as Gojira - or Godzilla in heathen lands to the West, lands in which the inhabitants have never laid their eyes upon the majestic sight that is the King of the Monsters?"
"Forsooth! Good squire, I have never e'en heard of the creature you just mentioned, and which you boldly state is behooving itself to move just right in front of us right now. Who or what may this 'Gojira' be, if ye might be inclined to answer this question of mine?"Sorry. Couldn't resist.
So... someone flies a fake plane over a fake ocean. Another fake plane has to land, our hero comes to the rescue. On an island. In the sea (fake sea, in case I hadn't mentioned it). And we all know what that means. It means:
And you definitely do NOT want to know that you're looking at a shot of Gojira's ass. From below. Thank you, movie. Thank you so very, very much.
You see, Gojira is wrestling another monster. One that walks on all fours, looks a bit like a hedgehog who was in the vicinity of Tchernobyl for a bit too long and grew to giant proportions, and has a decidedly less cool scream than Gojira.
Sometimes, the two of them like to go skinny dipping as well.
Managing to flee to safety after Gojira and monster #2, they (the two survivors, hero and non-nameless nameless character) are asked to identify #2.
It's an Angilosaurus. You can call him Angilas. Or Anguirus. I will stick to calling him Anguirus, although my fancy subtitled movie says Angilas all the time.
So, basically... there are two "prehistoric" monsters who can't be defeated by humanity. I say they'll just have to battle it out like men. Real men in rubber suits. Who have battled it out since PREHISTORIC TIMES!
However, I like that they explicitly mention the first movie, Gojira. Even the famous Oxygen Detonator is mentioned. You know, stickler for consistency and all that (see also Wrong Turn and Wrong Turn 2: Dead End).
GOJIRA COMES FROM THE SEEEEAAAAAAA!The scientist guy from the first part of the Gojira franchise suggests that light may have woken the King of the Monsters up, and that it might be a good plan to bomb him with, uhm, "light bombs".
Poor Gojira looks more confused than anything... and gosh darn, he's still cute.
Irritated by the light bombs, Gojira smashes a lighthouse with his tail, walks away from Tokyo and screams once. Now that's what I call a definite success. But apparently, that was the intended effect.
On a lame sidenote, we have a subplot (as much as I hesitate to call anything in a Gojira movie "plot", I can't come up with a better yet derogative word, so stay with me) involving escaped prisoners. Three of them. However, the subplot ends rather quickly (luckily!), as they die. Because of Anguirus. He scares them so much that they instantly decide to drive their (stolen) car into a factory of some sort. Which goes up in flames. Which in turn attracts Gojira. *confused*
For reasons of "epic", I want to add that Gojira no Gyakushu features the first monster battle ever seen in a Godzilla movie. And no, no screens. I am too lazy to sit through this frame by frame. Just let me assure you that Gojira and Anguirus dishing it out actually looks cool, in a twisted, men-in-rubber-suits-way. Trust me on that. Seriously. You should, if you like Godzilla movies. Because, you know, every one of us has a bit of Gojira inside (hey, they actually state that in the 1954 movie, so stop looking at me like that!)...
The rest of the movie? Hrm. Gojira defeats Anguirus in a more or less epic battle (as if we hadn't foreseen that...), the people of Japan and Tokyo in special are worried about Big G's yearly foraging trip into Tokyo and shoot it, drop some stuff on it, worry a lot etc.
Of course, our heroine also worries a lot about our hero, who truly is a hero. For... reasons. I am sure they exist. I just go with the premise of him being the hero and run with it. Seriously, I am not exactly in the mood to actually watch the movie with reading the subtitles. Half of it is just people running around, stuff getting destroyed, Gojira marching through... the sea, mountains, snow... and even without the subtitles, it wouldn't be that interesting. As in "I NEED TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS AND WHAT IS GOING ON!!!"... But I still watch it. Proof?
Here you go:
In the end, they bury Gojira under an avalanche (hence the creative idea of luring him into the snow-covered mountains). I guess the next movie will see him coming out of the mountain/snow/ice.
Poor Gojira.
However, this movie, whilst lacking the moralistic implications and metaphors of its predecessor, doesn't suffer from long, drawn-out scenes that drown one's entertainment in something akin to boredom. I approve. More fun to watch than the first one.
6/10 spunky, skinny dipping monsters with the coolest scream ever in Kaiju history. And that spells out "Gojira", in case you didn't realise it.
